I've watched You've Got Mail many, many times. Too many times to count. I love the dialogue of Nora Ephron. She gets in my head so easily. So I find it funny. I find it funny that over and over I've watched this movie and just the other day, one thing popped into my mind. It was there churning and resonating like a pile of gooey annoying gum that you've stepped into that refuses to release from the bottom of your shoe. So, I googled those words and found it under quotes on goodreads.com. I liked it and I continued to think.
“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.
― Nora Ephron from "You've Got Mail"
You know that sort of thinking that causes a lump in your throat, an ache in your heart and a feeling of emptiness in your gut.. Right? Can you relate?
Then I asked myself... Do I live an ordinary life because I choose to or because I'm scared to dare a little more and really live my dreams? Do I lack the luster to stick it out? Do I lack the creativity? Do I lack the discipline? Shitty reality can really smack you down. So where do I go from here?
Like the quote... I don't really want an answer. Well not from an outside source because I know that only I can truly answer those questions.
Some things I know for sure... I love my life. I love my husband. I love my children. I love creating. Unfortunately, I feel that I've made excuses along the way. I haven't truly lived up to my own dreams. I've wanted my own career, my own identity. Somehow along the way I lost my own path. I chose to follow my husband and his career. I chose to stay at home to raise my children and I would not change that for anything. I've treasured my time at home with my children immensely. The truth is... I'm growing older and I have not accomplished all of my personal dreams and aspirations. So how do I get from here to there. Slowly, I'm working on it.
I do have faith. I do believe that God will lead me and I'll choose the path. The right path for me.